M8 – Q&A

Questions & Answers

scam definedIn order to make sure that your adoption goes through safely and happily, it’s important that you take certain precautions. These precautions will allow you to make sure that you and your family remain safe and secure, and to avoid being the victim of fraud. If your questions aren’t covered here, please ask your coordinator.

How do I know if the ultrasound picture is real?

ultrasound scamTo the right, we’ve displayed an example of what a “scam” ultrasound might look like. Notice that in the scam ultrasound, there’s no medical info or name shown. Ultrasound photos are relatively easy for a scammer to get a hold of and edit for their scam.
 
We strongly advise that when you’re sent an ultrasound by a potential birth mother, that you look for a clinic name and phone number as well.
 
ultrasound realFor comparison, we have also shown an actual ultrasound to the left. You may click on the image to see it full-size.
 
Notice that the birth mother’s name, the name of her pregnancy clinic, and medical info is clearly shown.
 
We want to re-iterate how easy it is to fake an ultrasound. There are even websites that will create a fake ultrasound for you! To this end, it is so important to verify the clinic the potential birth mother says they’re going to even exists.
 

I got a call from a birth mom who said if she has to talk to an attorney, she won’t do it. She isn’t asking for money. Is this some type of scam?

I would suggest that you take the time to ask her why. Sometimes, if women have been in trouble with the law or have outstanding warrants, they may be fearful when the word “lawyer” comes up. You can reassure her that no one will be running background checks or looking into any issues she has. They just need to meet with her to inform her of her rights and sign consents.
 
In other cases, a birth mother may not understand that there is no cost to her. She may think that she has to hire and pay for an attorney to represent her. You may need to reassure her this is not the case and you will be paying any costs.
 
I have also seen cases in which the birth mother thinks that meeting with an attorney is scary and intimidating. Offering to meet at a restaurant over lunch may be an easy alternative.
 
Whatever the reason, take the time to ask with care. The adoption needs to be legal to ensure that the child has access to all the rights of being in your family. She may not understand what that entails and a simple conversation may put her heart at ease.
 

We had a good situation, I thought. It must have been a scam because she changed her mind at the last minute after we gave her $500 for rent. How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?

Remember, just because she changes her mind, doesn’t mean it was a scam. Adoption is a matter of the heart, and even if no expenses are paid, change of hearts happen. It is disappointing for sure, but it happens.
 
In some states, a birth mother can meet with an attorney before delivery to be advised of her rights and sign some of the preliminary paperwork. That is a good step to take if she is asking for help with expenses. It makes things a little more real for her.
 
It is important that if you feel you’ve been scammed, you not carry that hurt and suspicion to the next potential birth parent. You don’t want to treat someone with too much caution because you’ve been hurt before. Take some time to heal and approach each situation with your eyes wide open, and with the knowledge that this is a difficult decision for her.
 
I hope that you left things positive with the other situation. It’s okay to touch base with her and say “We are thinking about you and hope that everything is going well with you and the baby.” If she ever changes her mind, you want her to feel safe reaching back out to you as adoptive parents.
 

We were contacted by someone from Mexico who wants us to adopt her young son. She offered to sneak him across the border. I know I read that Africa requests like these are usually scams, but what about Mexico?

Proceed with caution. International adoption is not something that is currently happening in Mexico. And being complicit in someone sneaking across the border for that purpose is not a good place to be. My guess is that she has also asked you for money to help with travel costs.
 
With all those facts, I would suggest that this is nothing you want to be involved with.
 
Whether or not it is a scam is irrelevant. It involves illegally entering the country and a request for money with which to do that with. You can discuss it with your attorney, however I would suggest skipping this one.
 
Remember, you can narrow your ads on both Facebook and Google to only show in the U.S., which will help reduce inquiries like this.