Dear Mardie,
Many of my friends are preparing for their children to head off to college or high school, and we are still waiting for our first child. I keep a smile on my face but I can’t help but feeling left out and left behind. I realize we should have started the adoption journey sooner (both my husband and I are mid-40’s) but what more can we do to make this happen NOW?
I know those feelings well! And with the holidays coming, we often experience them more intensely. Here are a few things to consider…
Adopt a Style of No Regrets
I understand the statement that “we should have started sooner” but give yourself permission to let it go. I don’t know if this is something you are clinging to or beating yourself up over, but let it go. You and your spouse experienced life during those years, and your entire life and marriage would be different had you adopted or conceived 10 or 15 years ago. You are where you are now. You may wish for things to be different, but it’s time to let it go, no looking back. Focus on the future and what you can do.
Re-Examine Your Adoption Goals
If you are ready today, then maybe it’s time to loosen up your preferences, at least for a first child. I’ve worked with families who, like you, have been ready now. So they decide to look at waiting children in the system to adopt, while still pursuing adoption of an infant through private adoption. You are able to give a child who needs a home today a home, yet also continue your goal of infant adoption. Here is the link to Adopt US Kids to search waiting children.
Another thing is to examine your preferences. If this is keeping you from being a parent, loosen them up a little to where you are comfortable. This isn’t settling, but rather understanding that sometimes we need to open our hands and minds to receive the blessing that God has for us.
Stop the Comparison Game
Comparing ourselves to others at any age is a losing game, every time. For every friend who has something you wish you had, someone is out there that wishes they had what you have. Maybe it’s a loving spouse, a secure job, a lovely home, a running car, or a special talent. Sometimes there are goals we can achieve through hard work and dedication, others require natural ability. I can take voice lessons for twenty years, and will never have Celine Dion’s voice. Pregnancy is sometimes the same way…if it isn’t happening, it just may not happen. But parenthood through adoption can happen with hard work and dedication.
Do a self-evaluation on your adoption progress or give your coordinator a call. She can help you discover new ideas and answers, or point you in a direction that perhaps you hadn’t considered.
