Dear Mardie,
I’m just going to be honest here, I don’t feel like this adoption will ever happen. It feels like too much work and we just feel lost, like we are not sure what to do first. Do other people feel like this? Or am I just a ‘Debbie Downer’?
First off, you aren’t a ‘Debbie Downer’! Many people, when faced with big dreams, try to protect their heart from disappointment by letting that doubt creep in. It is a normal part of human wiring. However, it also limits our opportunities for success. It gives us justification to not put our full effort into it because, after all, if we are not confident of success, why bother giving it all we’ve got? And, I can tell you from experience, if you truly believe it won’t happen, it simply won’t. You will not be open to the possibilities and opportunities so you will miss them. You are training your brain to look for failure, not to look for success.
First step, shake it off! Get rid of the limiting belief you are carrying that says “Adoption will never happen” and begin to repeat, several times a day “I will adopt a child!” You need to retrain your subconscious mind to think positively about adoption and see opportunities that may be in front of you.
Next step, figure out what you need to do now. Here are a few ideas:
Revisit the ‘Getting Started’ Information
We created a Welcome Page that gives you a starting point and a welcome webinar. Revisit that information and assess your progress. These first three lessons are the foundation for your adoption and need to be addressed first.
Check In with Your Coordinator
If you are feeling stuck, lost, or generally directionless, make a call to your coordinator. She can help you with where you should go next. Remember she can also provide the referrals you need for home study services as well as answer questions. And, if you stump her with a question, she will do some research for you and get back to you!
Keep It Simple!
Some of us have a tendency to over-complicate things…Or think things are more complicated than they are. Don’t give in to this! Adoption is primarily getting a home study, connecting with a birth mother, and completing the legal process. There are requirements in each of those major aspects but don’t make it seem more complicated than it is. In any adoption, those are the three main parts. Keep things simple.
Remember, It Doesn’t Have to be Perfect
Whatever step you are stuck on, ask yourself if you are requiring perfection. Sometimes good enough is good enough. I have seen people who cannot complete a profile because they don’t like how they look or they can’t make it look as beautiful as one sample. It just has to show you, as you are, and the life you have to offer a child. Make it nice, but then let it go. Birth mothers are rarely seeking perfection – they are looking for loving parents who can give their child more than they are currently able to.
If you find you can’t change your mindset, speak to your coordinator or consider speaking to a counselor. We all have up and down days, but if it stretches for longer periods of time, it can hinder your adoption success. You need to believe wholeheartedly that adoption can and will happen for you.
Remember to keep your adoption efforts at an hour a day, then put it away. Working this way moves you daily closer to your goal of building your family through the miracle of adoption.
