Todd and Sarah were waiting to adopt, and couldn’t seem to generate much interest from birth mothers. They had a good profile and had been actively networking for quite a while but nothing, not even a nibble.
As Sarah was pouring her heart out to her mother over a piece of chocolate cake after dinner, her mother made an observation. “Have you considered that a birth mother might think you and Todd are not healthy enough to care for a baby?”
Sarah felt the hot tears roll down her face, and onto her now-empty dessert plate. “Yes, I have, but it’s not like I can snap my fingers and be thin,” she replied quietly.
“You know I love you both, and I know that not being able to conceive has taken a toll on you,” her mother gently said. “But over the past year both you and Todd have put on quite a bit of weight, and neither of you are doing the things you used to love. You aren’t riding anymore, and Todd gave up softball. I’m worried about more than just your adoption plans, I’m worried about your health.”
Sarah knew it was true. Both she and Todd had slipped into a depression of sorts as they watched their friends have baby after baby. They had withdrawn and found comfort with food together. Her diagnosis of PCOS made her feel justified in her nightly ice cream, after all, being overweight was a symptom.
As they drove home, Sarah and her mother talked through the situation. What if a birth mother wasn’t interested because she saw two unhealthy parents? Was Sarah ready to give up her dream to be a mother? Or was she ready to give up the ice cream instead?
When she and Todd discussed it, they both agreed that they didn’t feel good, either physically or emotionally. They believed that if they focused together on their physical health, the rest might fall into place. And if it didn’t, getting back to a slimmer, healthier version of themselves would definitely feel good. They created food plans together, as well as planned a reward trip once they both met their goals.
Each month, they were losing weight and moving more, and it showed quickly. Once each month, Sarah would update their website with new photos, even just casual ones, to show them active, healthy, and closer to being ready to being active parents.
About four months later, they received a call from a birth mother, who had received one of their old profiles, that had what they now referred to as their ‘before’ photos in it. She said they looked very kind and was hopeful they could set up a meeting. Sarah was a little nervous, as she had lost close to 20 pounds since those photos.
When they did meet, the birth mother noticed right away that they seemed slimmer and more active than their profile. She was on the fluffy side, and one of the things that drew her to them was that they weren’t perfect. She shared that, and they simply reassured her that they had been focusing on their health while waiting to adopt so that they could keep up with a little one.
The birth mother appreciated that, and it made her feel reassured that if becoming parents was that important to them, that her child would likely always be put first.
Now, in this waiting time, is a wonderful time to try to focus on the life you want after adoption. You want to provide a healthy home for your son or daughter. Take the opportunity to begin creating that life today!