Dear Mardie,
Our coordinator for Adoption For Life has been asking us to have a ‘Welcome Call’ and to check in monthly, but to be honest, we are just too busy. We read the modules and are working on doing each step that it says. We did ask for home study resources which she provided, but we just don’t want to take time to have a conversation about where we are and what we are doing in the process. We also would rather work on the requirements of adoption than attend the webinars. Is this active participation required?
To answer your question in a nutshell, no, we can’t force you to participate. However, without participation you are greatly reducing your opportunities for adoption success.
I certainly understand having a busy life, with responsibilities, demands on your time, and outside tasks that have to be done to keep up with work and running a household. I know that making time for something you don’t see as particularly helpful can make you feel resentful, and can in fact make it difficult to gain any benefit from it. So rather than try to talk you into participating, I will simply share the value that I see in them so perhaps you gain a greater understanding of why I believe they are important.
Learning from Other’s Experiences
One of the things we share on the webinars are adoption stories of others who have gone through a private adoption. We also feature experts from time to time and answer questions on our monthly calls. These are valuable opportunities for families to prepare for the unknown. You may encounter a similar situation that there was no way to prepare for, other than hearing someone’s story and what they did. It also will help you prepare for life as adoptive parents and raising an adopted child.
Accountability
When you check in with someone, it keeps you on track and accountable. It is easy to justify action (or inaction) when it is just ourselves. But staying accountable to a coach or coordinator helps keep us on the right track. It can also be valuable to get feedback on the steps you are taking. Perhaps your coordinator has updated information from a family she just spoke with that can help you too, or information about your particular state. These things may not be immediately updated in the module but by having a connection, you would have the up-to-the-minute info.
Building Rapport and Relationship
Coordinators do more than just welcome you and check in. They review your profile, offer suggestions for improvement, and help screen birth mother opportunities you have. Taking the time to build rapport and a relationship with the people who are helping you will be beneficial across the board. It is far easier to make a quick call for help to someone you know, versus someone you don’t.
Help and Support
Every adoption journey has highs and lows, no question about it. Your coordinator understands this and is excited to celebrate with you at the highs, and empathize with you at the lows. She is equipped to point you toward resources to help in the valleys and provide a positive perspective. It is far more than you can get from a friend who is not familiar with the adoption world.
These are just a few of the many rewards of community in adoption, and having someone you can rely on to help guide you at each step. I pray you will consider opening yourself and your time up to joining us as we share this journey together.
