Dear Mardie,
I’m not going to mince words…  The thought of going to church this weekend for Mother’s Day just makes me angry.  One more Sunday, in a long line of years, that I feel forgotten and alone, even with my husband right there by me.  Our Pastor honors mothers, speaks on mothers, has the mothers stand, while I stay sitting down, again, one more year.  And I can’t control the tears when it seems like every other woman in church is given a flower.  There is no runner-up prize on Mother’s Day.  My husband says we should skip church, but I feel like that is the wrong choice, like I should be there because I have more to learn.  Any advice?
My vote is to listen to your husband and your heart, but not the guilt. There is no lesson to be learned in misery.
You aren’t alone! Many women struggle with Mother’s Day, even after becoming a mother, it still wasn’t my favorite holiday, mostly because I could still feel the pain you are feeling.  It doesn’t feel good to be left out of a club you can’t seem to get into, no matter what you do!
A few years ago, my pastor gave a different type of talk for Mother’s Day, probably because he had recently lost his mother and, therefore, was realizing for the first year he didn’t have a mother to physically celebrate.  It was the first Mother’s Day message I think I had ever heard that truly encompassed everyone on this Hallmark-created holiday.
He talked about the joy of mothers, but he also talked about the loss and the hurt.  He acknowledged that…

  • There are people in this room who have desired to become mothers, but it hasn’t happened.
  • There are women amongst us who may have given birth, only to place the baby in someone else’s arms.
  • Perhaps some women have children not with them today, through loss whether it be miscarriage or death of a child.
  • Others may have lost their children to the state.
  • Some may be feeling regret for the loss of motherhood in choosing abortion.
  • Many people, men and women alike, may be feeling the loss of a mother, to death, dementia, or drugs.
  • Others may have just never had a good relationship with their mothers, or maybe didn’t have a good mother at all!

The bottom line was that while yes, Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate motherhood, for many people it is a day of pain, sorrow, regret, or heartache.  And for that, we need to remember the hope we have in Christ, who will make all things new, wipe away every tear, and shine His light in all our dark places.
Maybe the greatest gift for you this weekend is to get away with your husband and celebrate the hope you have in adoption and the desire for motherhood placed in your heart by your Heavenly Father.  Back to basics, away from the crowds, and create a Mother’s Day tradition or remembrance that you can share with your family in years to come.
God bless you!