Profile Picture Challenges

unhappy with photosDear Mardie,
We are pulling together the photos for our profile and I am just so discouraged at how I look.  I need to lose weight and I am worried that a birth mother won’t like us because of how I look. Should I wait until I lose weight or go with what I have?

I understand well what you are going through.  And I want to encourage you that most birth mothers do not choose based on weight, attractiveness, or wealth.  They are seeking stability, love, acceptance, and family. They want to know you are safe and ready to be parents.  And most importantly, most birth mothers don’t look like models or Barbie dolls, and they are concerned about being accepted by the family they choose.  So, understand that this is a two way street.
With that said, you do need to ensure that your pictures represent you and your life for what it is.  Happy smiles, action shots showing what you do, and warm, friendly feelings are what you need to convey.  Here are some tips for getting those when you are concerned about your weight (or hair color or mole on your face or whatever!):

  • Don’t use old photos when you might be thinner, younger, or in your mind more attractive. There will be a day you meet a birth mother and you want her to recognize you.
  • Make it a point to take photos for this purpose. Don’t just use Christmas morning from last Christmas.
  • If you are heavy, take photos standing up. Sitting down often causes us to look larger.
  • Focus your main photo on chest up. No need to have full body shots.
  • A true, warm smile that reaches to your eyes conveys so much about you that you want a birth mother to see.
  • If your lifestyle is more sedentary, don’t try to hide it. But do try to incorporate things that you will do once you have a baby, like go for walks.
  • If you are worried about your weight, take care of yourself in another area – like ensuring your hair is cut and colored and your clothes are pressed and are colors you are complimented on.
  • Take LOTS of photos. The more you take, the more options you will have when it is time to choose your photos.
  • Ask others to help you choose photos – sometimes your friends and family will see something that you can’t.

Don’t wait until you lose weight or change in another way.  You will be perfect for the birth mother who chooses you just the way you are.
If you do change in some way, like losing weight, gaining weight, or some other changes, do update your profile and photos.  Remember, you want your birth mother to recognize you when she meets you for the first time!