Over the holidays, you inevitably speak to people who want an update on your adoption or ask why it is taking so long or what is going on. Early on in your adoption journey, it can be exciting to share the initial updates and progress. When you are further along in the waiting game, it can be exhausting, especially when people offer their “tips” about adoption they have heard. Here are some good basics to keep in mind for these situations.
Have Responses Ready
Be prepared for a few questions that are inevitable with standard answers, knowing what you are going to say. For instance, if someone asks “Why is it taking so long?”, have words at the ready like “It’s in God’s hands,” or “One thing that might speed it up is if I could pick your brain about networking?” or “Would you like to help us?”
You may know the questions that your friends and family ask. It is wonderful to have words ready so you don’t even have to think about it.
Enlist Help!
If you are gathered with friends and family who can help you, use their questions to get help with networking. Remember, they don’t have to know people who work with pregnant women, they can simply SHARE your Facebook page with their friends or take a profile in case they hear about someone facing an unexpected pregnancy.
Or, get their help to assemble profiles or do some networking. There is lots of opportunity for helping a family in the adoption process. Even if you just ask for prayer.
Avoid Situations if Too Difficult
If you don’t have any children, you don’t need to attend all of the events for children in your family. Take yourself out of parties or events that are too difficult emotionally for you. In fact, it’s okay to arrange alternate holiday plans altogether! In the future, when you are parents, you have many years to participate in those parties and celebrations. But for now, if it is emotionally draining, do something else!
Being prepared for questions that may feel like triggers is an important step in enjoying the holidays from a healthy emotional perspective. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and enlist your spouse in making choices that ensure YOU can enjoy the holidays, remembering the reason for season!
